Why Start Our Nonmonogamy Journey With an FFM Threesome

If you’ve been reading the newsletters or following my IG, you know my partner and I are going to our first play party today – my once favorite Top Floor party I’m eager to come back to and check out their current incarnation! Woohoo!

This will be our first foray into nonmonogamy after a year of monogamy, and we’re both excited about it. As we let IG know, out desire for the evening, Universe willing, is to play with another woman. As I expected, an important question came up:

“Why are you starting your exploration with an FFM (female-female-male) threesome? Isn’t that problematic unicorn hunting?”

Let’s take a dive into this one, as it touches on important aspects of consent, desire, and respectful exploration.

Why Are We Starting with an FFM?

When my partner and I think about exploring intimacy with others, starting with a threesome involving another woman feels like the natural choice for us. Here’s why:

• Shared Attraction: The first and most basic reason is both of us are attracted to women! This mutual interest makes the idea equally exciting for both of us – that’s where our Venn diagrams overlap fully. Anything that involves men is appealing to me but not intrinsically appealing to my partner, since he is not attracted to men (to my great disappointment). Lucky for me, he’s open-minded and willing to push past his comfort zone so group play scenarios involving men are on the table for our subsequent explorations (we would not be together if that weren’t the case). .
• Minimizing Emotional Friction: We want our first shared experience to be as smooth and enjoyable as possible. Starting where we have the most overlap in desires and the least potential for jealousy or insecurity just makes sense.
• Positive Experience for Everyone: By choosing a scenario that we’re both comfortable with, we increase the likelihood of creating a positive experience not just for us, but also for the third person involved.

Isn’t That Unicorn Hunting?

I understand that the term “unicorn hunting” often refers to couples seeking a bisexual woman in ways that can be disrespectful or objectifying. But it’s important to distinguish between unethical behavior and consensual, joyful exploration.

Here’s my take:

• Consent Is Key: If all parties are enthusiastic and fully consenting, then pursuing an FFM threesome isn’t inherently problematic. Many women genuinely desire these experiences with couples who treat them well.
• Respect and Communication: We’re committed to approaching any potential partner with respect, open communication, and consideration for her desires and boundaries.
• Celebrating Mutual Desires: There’s no need to shame ourselves or others for wanting a threesome involving another woman. Let’s embrace our desires while ensuring we’re ethical in how we pursue them.

Why can’t we have some “unicorn hunting” if some “unicorns” want to be “hunted”? What bothers me is the notion that we have to suppress or feel guilty about our desires. Instead, let’s learn how to express our desires openly and ethically, so that everyone involved can have fulfilling experiences.

We’re starting our exploration where we have the most shared interest and the least friction.

Why This Matters

Starting our journey where there is mutual attraction and minimal emotional friction allows us to build a solid foundation for future explorations. This doesn’t mean we’re disregarding the feelings or agency of others. On the contrary, we’re committed to creating positive, respectful experiences for everyone involved.

I believe that as long as all parties are consenting adults who communicate openly, there’s nothing inherently problematic about seeking the experiences that bring joy and fulfillment. Let’s all support each other in pursuing our desires responsibly. After all, adding more joy and connection to our lives is something to celebrate!

Feel free to share your thoughts or questions on this topic. Open dialogue helps us all learn and grow together.

With love and openness,
Dr. Zhana