The 4B Movement: Why More Women Are Saying “No” to Dating, Sex, Marriage, and Children

If you’ve spent any time on TikTok or Instagram recently, you’ve probably come across mentions of the “4B” movement. Originally a radical feminist movement that took root in South Korea about a decade ago, it’s now making waves in the U.S.—especially after political events many women find deeply upsetting, such as Donald Trump’s presidency.

4B stands for “Four Nos”: no dating, no sex, no marriage, and no children. In other words, it’s a form of complete intentional partnered celibacy—either lifelong or temporary—that more and more women are embracing. They’re essentially saying: “No thanks” to romantic or sexual involvement with men, and to having kids within a system they feel is failing them.

Of course, choosing celibacy is nothing new. People of all genders have opted out of sex and relationships for as long as we’ve existed, sometimes permanently, sometimes just for a while. In a 2022 nationally representative survey I collaborated on with Ashley Madison, we found that about 15% of Americans—1 in 5 women and 1 in 10 men—viewed complete celibacy (no sex or relationships) as their ideal relationship type, a ratio that held fairly constant across different age groups.

What feels new about the 4B movement is the intensity and public enthusiasm with which young women are adopting it.

Why are US women doing this? Because they are tired:

• Disappointment and Betrayal: Women see their sexual and reproductive rights stripped away. They feel the sting of rampant sexual trauma that goes unacknowledged, with few consequences for perpetrators. They witness men who refuse to do the hard work of healing and growth, instead flocking to ideologies championed by figures like Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson—ideologies that validate misogyny, reinforce harmful gender roles, and/or promote sex-negative socially conservative lifestyles.
  
• After #MeToo, A Crushing Backlash: After a brief, hopeful period when it seemed we might uproot some of the worst misogynistic elements from our culture, women now watch in dismay as openly misogynistic rhetoric gains ground again. Trump’s presidency emboldened the worst parts of his coalition—men shouting “your body, my choice,” claiming women will never be president, and steering the country toward more conservative, religious worldviews where women are valued primarily as mothers and wives.
  
• Economic, Social, and Political Pressures: Women continue to be underpaid for the same work, shoulder most of the childcare and domestic responsibilities, and face poor family-friendly policies. They grapple with skyrocketing living costs, unaffordable healthcare, minimal safety nets, climate anxiety, pointless wars, political polarization, and a general sense that the world is literally and figuratively burning.

Given all this, it’s not surprising some women are saying, “I’m done.” If their potential partners and the broader system refuse to meet them halfway—offering genuine respect, shared burdens, and true equality—then why should they bother engaging at all?

But as understandable as this reaction is, it’s not an ideal long-term solution for humanity. This is a sign that something is deeply broken. Most humans, given a healthy environment, want intimacy, relationships, and yes, often children. A world where large groups of women say “no” to it all? That’s a signal that our society is fundamentally failing them.

This mass opting-out is a clear call for systemic change. So, what do we need to do? We need to aim high and act boldly:

• Fight Toxic Masculinity: We must actively promote healthier masculinities and hold men accountable when they harm others. The rise of Andrew Tate-esque misogyny is a wake-up call. Enough is enough.
  
• Reclaim Sexual and Reproductive Rights: On a state-by-state basis if we must, we need to restore and protect women’s rights to choose, and ensure accessible and comprehensive reproductive healthcare.
  
• Overhaul Sex and Relationship Education: Let’s end censorship and provide accurate, inclusive, and practical sex, relationship, and fertility education. Knowledge empowers everyone to navigate intimacy respectfully and pleasurably. #UncensorSex
  
• Address Sexual Trauma Responsibly: We need better systems for acknowledging and healing trauma, supporting survivors, and creating pathways for perpetrators to learn and make amends, rather than reflexive “cancel and forget” approaches.
  
• Adopt Family-Friendly Policies: Universal healthcare, paid parental leave, affordable childcare, secure housing, and living wages aren’t luxuries—they’re essentials for a society where women can confidently say “yes” to relationships and childbearing. Without these, the very idea of starting a family feels oppressive, unsafe, or simply unaffordable.
  
• Tackle Environmental Degradation, Wars, and Political Polarization: World peace, environmental sustainability, and bridging deep political divides are lofty goals, but necessary. Without hope for the planet’s future, why would anyone want to bring more life into it?

Yes, these are big, daunting goals. But if we want a future where women feel safe, respected, and genuinely interested in connecting romantically and sexually with men again, we have no choice but to aim high. Humans have accomplished remarkable feats when united by a common purpose. We can do it again.

We need to stand up, get involved locally—in school boards, neighborhood councils, religious and other community group—and demand policy changes from our communities, cities, employers, representatives, and each other. Let’s make it possible for more women to want to say “yes” again—to dating, to sex, to relationships, and to children—because they genuinely feel safe, supported, and valued in doing so.

I know these times can feel overwhelming and discouraging. But remember, change starts with all of us. Let’s choose action over despair.

Instagram has thus far been the platform where I’ve shared my thoughts on sexuality and relationships. We’ve created a beautifully supportive, sex-positive community on there that I value immensely and that I will keep nurturing. If you’re not already following me there, please join us.

At the same time, as we’re finding ourselves on this highly volatile and uncertain political and societal crossroad, I’m finding it critical to also have conversations with people who disagree with us, who don’t understand us, who are afraid of us. Sexual openness and freedom–especially female–can be highly threatening to many, and it’s only through open conversations that we change hearts and minds.

I’m opening those conversations on X/Twitter, and I’m inviting you to join me there. Whether we like it or not, X is now the “town square,” the place where our political leaders, leading thinkers and policy shapers congregate and talk to each other. Many of them remain highly sex-negative. We need to talk to them. We need to help them understand us, empathize with us, and learn how to co-exist with us without wanting to crush us. Because if we don’t, THEY WILL CRUSH US. They have a lot of power now (and very likely for some time to come). We won’t win this one at the ballot box any time soon, we can only win this one by changing hearts and minds. I’m ready to fight, but I can’t do it alone, I need you all there.

United We Stand, Divided We Fall.

With hope and love,
Dr. Zhana