Let’s talk about sex, baby! 🎵
Specifically, let’s chat about how to keep your sex life thriving, exciting, and full of delicious anticipation. I’ve got a little trick up my sleeve that’s been working wonders for me and my partner, and I think you’re gonna love it.
Enter: The Three Sex Lists.
The Sexy Bucket List (aka The “To-Do” List)
This is where you jot down all those shared fantasies and desires you and your partner want to explore. Maybe it’s sex in the shower, trying out a new toy, finally giving that position from that movie a go, or having your first threesome. Whatever floats your boat, as long as you’re both curious about it, add it to the list!
The beauty of this list? It keeps you from falling into that all-too-common relationship rut. You know the one – where you default to the same old two-three positions or acts because they’re easy and familiar. This list is your reminder to spice things up!
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Sex, Love & Science Newsletter by Dr. Zhana
The science of love, sex and relationships.
In your inbox (almost) every week.
See you there?
Have the fantasy/desire conversation early on and then keep having it throughout your relationship, as new ideas or cravings pop up. Need help with figuring out and talking to each other about sexual fantasies? Get my friend’s Justin Lehmiller’s book Tell Me What You Want.
The Victory Lap (aka The Milestones List)
The Victory Lap is where you celebrate your wins, the first times you did something together. Every time you cross something off your Sexy Bucket List, it moves here.
But don’t just jot it down – make it a mini journal entry. It’s like a sexy journal that lets you relive those hot memories whenever you want.
The Virgin Territory (aka The First Ever List)
Last but not least, The First Ever List. This one’s special because it’s all about those brand-new experiences you’ve never had before with anyone. It can be something neither of you has done before, or something that’s a first for just one of you. Either way, it’s a celebration of new territory explored together.
Here’s a peek at a few of the items on mine and my partner’s lists:
On our Sexy Bucket List:
- Anal sex (I know, it still hasn’t happened!)
- Play party (I know, I know, it’s coming soon!)
- Pegging
Some recent additions to our Victory Lap:
- Sex on the kitchen counter (who knew meal prep could be so fun?)
- Outdoor sex (spoiler alert: we recently checked this one off!)
A few from our First Ever list:
- Longest stretch of temporary monogamy (for both of us!)
- Clitoral orgasm with just one finger (a mind-blowing first for me!)
- Going down on me after coming inside (a sexy first for my partner)
But these lists aren’t just about tracking your sexcapades. They’re about fostering connection, encouraging exploration, and celebrating your journey together. They’re conversation starters, boundary pushers, and memory makers all rolled into one.
And the best part? You can start these lists at any time in your relationship. Just beginning? Perfect! Been together for years? It’s never too late to start. Sit down with your partner, pour some wine, and start brainstorming and remembering. You might be surprised at what you come up with!
Remember, these lists are fluid. Keep adding to them as new desires pop up.
💡Pro tip: Don’t limit yourself to just sexual experiences. You can use this same concept for romantic or relational milestones too!
So, what do you say? Ready to start your lists? You might be surprised at what you come up with – and how exciting it is to start checking things off!
Keep exploring,
Dr. Zhana
