Earlier this week, I watched “The Substance”—the movie starring Demi Moore—and wow, I have so many thoughts. It’s visually stunning, intellectually provocative, and emotionally impactful… and believe it or not, it’s surprisingly relevant to anyone in nonmonogamous or alternative relationships. 🎬✨
(Note: This email contains plot details about “The Substance”. If you haven’t seen the movie yet and wish to avoid spoilers, you may want to watch it before reading further.)
The story centers on Elizabeth Sparkle (Moore), a former Academy Award-winning actress turned TV fitness trainer. Nearing 60, she faces harsh ageism in the entertainment industry. On her birthday, she’s fired by a sexist network executive who values women only for their youth and beauty.
Feeling isolated—with fame and money but no friends or family—Elizabeth spirals into despair. Distracted by her fading billboard being taken down, she crashes her car but miraculously survives unharmed.
Desperate, she accepts a mysterious offer called “The Substance,” which creates a younger, “better” version of herself—a sort of clone. The catch? They must switch places every seven days without exception. The instructions warn: “There is no you and her—you are one,” hinting at challenges ahead.
Elizabeth proceeds, giving birth to her flawless doppelgänger, Sue, in a striking transformation scene (including a stitching sequence not for the faint of heart). At first, all seems well. Sue embodies Elizabeth’s former youth and reclaims her old job.
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However, Sue ignores the switching rule and neglects Elizabeth, indulging recklessly in the limelight.This leads to disastrous outcomes, culminating in a gory finale that might require some to look away.
Despite this, the movie is worth seeing for its unique storytelling and Demi Moore’s brave performance—likely autobiographical for many aging celebrities judged by their youth and appearance.
Interestingly, “The Substance” is one of the most polarizing movies of our time. A glance at Google Reviews (see below) shows nearly equal numbers of people loving and hating it, with few in between. Some critics, like Rolling Stone, praised it highly, while others, such as Slate, were less impressed. My favorite is The New York Times review, which offers insightful appreciation of the film. This polarization itself is a fascinating reflection of the world we live in today.
So, you might be wondering, how does this relate to nonmonogamy or alternative relationship styles? 🤔
“The Substance” serves as a potent metaphor for the choices we make in our relationships. Just like nonmonogamy, it’s an option that offers immense potential for enriching our lives but comes with significant risks if not approached thoughtfully. Both require intentionality, clear communication, and adherence to agreed-upon boundaries.
Elizabeth and Sue’s inability to harmonize represents the internal conflicts we might face when exploring new relationship dynamics without proper self-awareness and respect for necessary “rules.” The strict seven-day switching rule symbolizes the importance of setting and honoring agreements. Ignoring these can lead to chaos and harm—not just to ourselves but to those around us.
The movie isn’t just a commentary on impossible beauty standards in Hollywood (though it poignantly addresses that). It’s also a critique of superficial consumerism and living for others’ gaze versus leading a life of substance and meaning. It delves into how unhealed, unconscious wounds can lead us down paths of self-destruction, as opposed to seeking depth and healing.
A Missed Opportunity
Given how poorly things worked out for Elizabeth, many might think disaster was inevitable—that taking such a big risk could only end badly. But I believe the film missed a significant opportunity. Imagine if there had been a therapist, a friend, or someone else who had successfully navigated “The Substance.” This character could have demonstrated a healthier balance, offering a glimpse of what intentional, mindful integration looks like.
There’s a version of this story where the two selves find a way to coexist in harmony, each living their best lives at different stages. This alternative ending would have shown that with the right approach, taking big risks doesn’t inevitably lead to disaster.
So, what’s the bottom line?
I hope you don’t conclude that taking big risks is doomed to fail. Instead, consider that if you’re going to make a significant leap—whether in personal growth or your love life—you should do it in a way that’s smart, intentional, and equipped with the tools you need to succeed. Just like exploring nonmonogamy, with the right approach, taking risks can lead to incredible growth and fulfillment.
If you’re contemplating bold steps in your relationships, remember that risks don’t have to lead to ruin. With the right guidance, they can open doors to deeper understanding and happiness.
Looking for support on how to navigate these complexities? My LoveSmarter™ program is designed to provide you with science-based tools to make smart, intentional choices in your relationships. We’re reopening enrollment in a couple of months, so sign up to stay tuned!
Have you seen “The Substance”?
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the film and how it resonated with you. Do you see the parallels with alternative relationship styles? What did you think about the polarizing reactions it has received? Hit reply and let’s chat! 🎥💬
Until next time,
Dr. Zhana
