My favorite play party Top Floor NYC is coming up soon!
If you’ve followed me for a while, you know I’m a huge fan of this party. It’s the perfect blend of sophistication, sensuality, and safety. When I went last November, I had an amazing time exploring and connecting in this unique space. If you want to check out my full review of that party, click here.
But there’s one rule that I’ve always hated—not just at Top Floor, but at most play parties: the rule that you must explicitly ask for consent before any form of casual touch.
While I fully support enthusiastic, affirmative consent for anything sexual, I’ve always found this rule around casual touch to be… well, stupid.
Why I Hated the Old Rule
We don’t navigate casual touch this way anywhere else. Not at regular parties, not in social gatherings, not even on the subway. Yet at play parties—where we’re all there to explore and enjoy intimacy—we were expected to ask, “Can I touch your shoulder?” before the most harmless forms of touch.
It felt awkward, unnatural, and unnecessary. And honestly, most people didn’t respect it anyway.
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This rule not only created confusion and weird gray areas, but it also prevented people from learning how to navigate touch and consent in a way that felt natural and authentic.
A Much-Needed Update
That’s why I want to give a huge shoutout to Top Floor for updating their consent policy around casual touch. They’ve moved to a more nuanced approach that aligns with how humans actually communicate and navigate touch in intimate situations.
Yes, this new policy requires a little more nuance and thoughtfulness. It asks us to be more aware of body language, social cues, and context. But in doing so, it actually teaches people how to navigate consent more naturally and creates a better flow at the party.
So, what exactly changed?
Previously, Top Floor’s rule required verbal consent before any form of casual touch—including things as simple as touching someone’s shoulder. This was meant to ensure clear boundaries but ended up feeling unnatural and awkward.
Through member feedback and their own experience, Top Floor realized that this rule wasn’t enforceable in practice and created false expectations. In response, they have collaborated with professionals in consent advocacy, trauma-informed psychology, and members of their community to craft a policy that better reflects real-life interactions.
The updated policy captures the nuances and spectrum of casual touch, respecting individual preferences, experiences, and contexts, while defining a new standard for casual touch at their events. It acknowledges that:
- Casual touch exists on a spectrum, depending on placement, duration, and force.
- Context and cues matter. It encourages mindfulness, awareness of body language, and checking in playfully if you’re unsure.
- Both parties share responsibility for navigating and communicating boundaries, emphasizing personal responsibility and open communication.
This approach is more realistic and nuanced, asking guests to be thoughtful and aware without overly scripted negotiations. It teaches people how to navigate touch naturally while maintaining clear boundaries.
A More Authentic Consent Policy
This isn’t about relaxing boundaries or promoting unwanted touch. It’s about recognizing that humans are social creatures who naturally use casual touch as a way to connect—and that we’re capable of navigating this safely and respectfully without robotic, overly-scripted negotiations.
I’m genuinely excited about this change because it reflects a more mature, realistic approach to consent, and I believe it will lead to a much better experience for everyone at Top Floor.
Curious to Experience It Yourself?
Top Floor’s next event is happening on March 21st and 22nd, and with this new policy in place, it’s the perfect opportunity to experience a more natural, flowing, and authentic vibe.
If you’re curious about this unique event, check out their website and apply here.
And if you want to chat more about consent, play parties, or nonmonogamy, join the conversation on Instagram or X.
With love,
Dr. Zhana
