What We Get Wrong About Age, Consent, and Sexual Misconduct

Recently, an old NYT headline about pedophilia (“a disorder, not a crime”) got recirculated on X. Predictably, there was massive amount of outrage, especially since some accounts with huge followings (including Elon Musk himself) commented on or reshared it. My response to it went viral, garnering over 9 million views.

This came shortly after the U.S. House Ethics Committee reported they had credible evidence that Matt Gaetz, the former U.S. Congressman from Florida and Trump’s initial pick for U.S. Attorney General, had sex with a 17-year-old when he was 35, an act considered statutory rape in the state of Florida where it occurred. (This was one of several allegations of sexual improprieties and illegal substance use – read the full report here.) While Gaetz has denied the allegations and no charges were filed, this was enough for much of X to call Gaetz a pedophile and a rapist.

Both of these stories reignited public debate over sex, consent, and power dynamics—especially when it involves minors, and showcase the utter ignorance, confusion, and blind rage that often dominate these really important topics.

We all undoubtedly care about reducing the unconscionably high rates of child and adult sexual trauma. But in order to do that, we must understand the distinctions between the various relevant psychological and legal concepts, specifically the difference between pedophilia, statutory rape, and sexual assault.

Here’s a closer look at what each of these terms means and why they matter.

1. Pedophilia: Attraction to Prepubescent Children

Pedophilia is a mental disorder characterized by a strong, enduring sexual attraction to prepubescent children—those who have not yet started puberty. This is different from hebephilia–attraction to younger teens who are in the process of going through puberty (i.e. pubescent; typically ages 11-14), and ephebophilia–attraction to mid-to-late teens who have completed puberty (ie. post-pubescent; typically ages 15-19).

Neither hebephilia nor ephebophilia are currently considered mental disorders. All three are currently considered age-based sexual orientations, together with teleophilia (attraction to fully sexually mature adults) and gerontophilia (attraction to older adults).

Given that virtually all 17-year-olds are post-pubescent, neither Gaetz nor anyone else who’s had sex or would like to have sex with a 17yo could be classified as a pedophile.

What trips up a lot of people–and what led to hundreds of people on X calling for me to be fed into the woodchipper together with all the pedophiles, is that not all pedophiles act on their attractions. Pedophilia is about attraction, not action. Some pedophiles act on their attractions committing child sexual abuse. Others recognize the immense harm that acting on their desires would cause and make the responsible choice not to.

Similarly, not all child sex offenders are pedophiles. Many who sexually abuse children (or teens) do so opportunistically rather than out of specific attraction to minors. These individuals take advantage of a child’s vulnerability for reasons unrelated to pedophilia, such as power, control, antisocial behavior, substance abuse, or situational access.

We must viciously prosecute those who harm children, regardless of what led to that. But, unless we start prosecuting people for simply fantasizing about murder, robbery, or battery, we cannot start prosecuting people for having pedophilic attractions.

What we can do–if we want to prevent pedophiles from becoming child sexual abusers–is to create support services for nonoffending pedophiles to help them in the lifelong battle to suppress their attractions, and make it acceptable for them to come forward and seek that help.

2. Nonconsensual Sex Is Always Sexual Assault

Regardless of the ages involved, nonconsensual sex is sexual assault. That includes situations where sex was forced, coerced, or the person was incapable of providing consent due to intoxication.

Establishing consent is often nuanced and complicated, even among adults. A significant power imbalance—whether it’s due to age, social status, intoxication, or other factors—doesn’t automatically indicate lack of consent, but can muddy the waters and make it difficult to establish clear, mutual agreement.

But what about children and adults? Can they consent to sex with an adult? It depends.

3. Statutory Rape: When Felt Consent Doesn’t Matter Legally

Regardless of whether a sexual experience “feels” wanted and consensual to all parties involved, all countries in the world have decided that certain individuals are too young to be able to consent to sex with an adult. They have all set a certain age as the legal age of consent, and sex with someone under this legal age is considered statutory rape, even if both parties agree to it. The age of consent is set by individual countries and states, it varies widely, and is in many ways arguably arbitrary.

• In the U.S., the age of consent ranges from 16 to 18, depending on the state.
• In Europe, the age of consent ranges from 14 to 18.
• Around the world, there’s a range of ages from 12 to 18, with some countries requiring people be legally married in order to have sex.
• Mexico is unique such that some states set the age of consent at 12, while others take a more individual approach and set it at age of puberty (whenever that happens for an individual child).

To illustrate this disparity, take a look at these maps of ages of consent in the U.S. versus Europe.

 

These differences raise important questions about how societies define and approach sexual maturity, and whether the age of consent reflects someone’s capability to make sexual decisions. For example, are we really ready to argue that a 17-year-old in Georgia (age of consent = 16) has the mental capacity to decide whether they want to have sex with an adult, but that same 17-year-old across state lines in Florida (age of consent = 18) cannot? In other words, is someone like Gaetz truly a horrible rapist because he happened to have sex with a 17yo in Florida, but would have done nothing wrong if that same act happened a few miles north?

Either way, it’s important to note: Statutory rape is NOT necessarily the same as rape, especially when it involves older teens who are experiencing the sexual interaction as wanted and consensual. As someone who have had both, I can assure you they could not be more different. I’ve been greatly harmed by the nonconsensual rapes I’ve experienced as a teen and an adult. I was not at all harmed by the fully consensual but technically statutory rape experiences I had as a teenager.

Power and Ethics: When It Might Be Legal but Still Problematic

If Matt Gaetz had consensual sex with a 17-year-old in one of the 39 states where the age of consent is 16 or 17, it may not be statutory rape, but it could still be ethically questionable. A large age difference, combined with significant power imbalances (like him being a US Congressman with a lot more money than a high school student), often raises concerns about coercion or exploitation, even if the relationship is technically legal.

Add to that some level of intoxication with alcohol and/or drugs (both of which were allegedly present in Gaetz’s case), and things get complicated even further–and perhaps also illegal depending on the level of intoxication.

Why This Matters

Understanding these distinctions—between pedophilia, statutory rape, and sexual assault—is critical for having informed, compassionate, and productive conversations about sexual misconduct and consent.

These terms are often conflated in public discourse, which clouds our ability to address the real harm caused by sexual abuse. By clarifying these distinctions, we can begin to address the structural inconsistencies in how laws are applied and create more effective solutions.

What do you think? Are age-of-consent laws a reasonable way to navigate these issues, or do they oversimplify the complexity of consent and maturity?

Join the conversation on my Instagram or X—I’d love to hear your thoughts and see how this dialogue unfolds.

With care,
Dr. Zhana