Q&A: Is Catching Feelings Like Experiencing Jealousy?

In our recent Coaching Call, we dove into a topic that’s close to many hearts (pun intended): catching feelings. One of our community members raised this interesting question:

“Is catching feelings like experiencing jealousy?”

He wondered if, like jealousy, there’s no sure way to avoid catching feelings. It catches you off guard, and you have to find your way when it arises.

This comparison offers an interesting perspective. Both jealousy and unexpected romantic feelings can indeed arise suddenly and require careful navigation. The big difference? Catching feelings is usually a much more positive experience than jealousy (though it can be just as challenging to manage!).

But, what do we mean by “catching feelings”? Where does this term come from?

The term “catching feelings” has been around for a while, but it gained significant traction in hookup culture, particularly on college campuses. It’s often used to describe the development of romantic or emotional attachments, typically in situations where such feelings are unexpected or unintended.

Interestingly, the phrase itself carries a somewhat negative connotation. It makes emotions sound like a disease you contract, something to be avoided. This perspective stems from contexts where developing deeper feelings is seen as undesirable or complicated, such as in casual sexual relationships.

Can We Avoid Catching Feelings? Should We Even Try?

The answer isn’t one-size-fits-all. It depends entirely on your relationship structure and personal goals.

Key point: Catching feelings isn’t inherently good or bad – it’s either desirable or undesirable based on your specific situation.

Let’s break it down:

• Polyamorous relationships: In these structures, developing feelings for multiple partners is often the goal. The challenge lies in managing these emotions effectively and ensuring all parties are comfortable and respected.
• Open relationships or swinging: Here, the focus is typically on sexual experiences without deep emotional connections. Participants might actively try to avoid developing romantic attachments.
• For those choosing to be single or celibate: Preventing the development of romantic feelings might be the objective, at least for a certain period.
• Monogamous relationships: In the traditional structure, the aim is usually to cultivate deep feelings for one partner while preventing romantic attachments to others.

Given these different scenarios, it’s clear that our approach to feelings should be tailored to our relationship structure and personal goals. Whether you’re cultivating or avoiding feelings, the key is to be intentional and self-aware.

Strategies for Navigating Tricky Emotional Waters

Regardless of your relationship structure, here are some key strategies for managing the complex world of emotions:

1. Acknowledge your feelings: Emotions are a natural part of being human. Don’t shame yourself for having them. Recognition is the first step towards effective management.
2. Understand your relationship structure: Are feelings welcome or complicated in your current setup? Being clear about this can guide your actions and decisions.
3. Communicate openly: Honest dialogue with yourself and your partner(s) about expectations and boundaries is crucial. It can prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings down the line.
4. Manage wisely: If you do develop feelings, avoid making life-changing decisions in the early stages. New Relationship Energy (NRE) can cloud judgment and lead to impulsive choices.
5. Be kind to yourself: Whether you’re cultivating or avoiding feelings, approach the situation with kindness towards yourself. Emotional experiences can be challenging, and self-compassion can help you navigate them more smoothly.
6. Seek support. Whether it’s from friends, a therapist, or a supportive community (like ours!), don’t go it alone. Other perspectives can be invaluable when you’re in the thick of intense emotions.

The Importance of Self-Awareness

At the core of managing unexpected feelings is self-awareness. Understanding your emotional patterns, triggers, and responses can help you navigate complex situations more effectively. It’s about being intentional with your emotions rather than being swept away by them.

Ultimately, emotions – including unexpected romantic feelings – are part of what makes us human. They add richness and depth to our experiences, even when they’re challenging. The key is not to avoid them entirely but to approach them with wisdom, self-awareness, and intentionality.

Whether you’re in a polyamorous relationship embracing multiple emotional connections, or in a monogamous partnership working to maintain boundaries, the goal is the same: to manage your emotions in a way that aligns with your values and relationship goals.

Remember, there’s no universal approach to emotions. What matters is finding what works for you and your relationship(s), communicating openly, and treating yourself and others with compassion along the way.

So, the next time you find yourself “catching feelings,” take a moment to reflect. Are these feelings aligned with your current life goals and relationship structure? How can you honor these emotions while staying true to your commitments? By approaching the situation thoughtfully, you can turn an unexpected emotional experience into an opportunity for growth and deeper self-understanding.