Nonmonogamy Coaching – DrZhana

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Nonmonogamy and Open Relationships Coaching 

I specialize in short-term, results-oriented coaching / mentoring of busy, modern couples and individuals who want to live a life of multiple sexual and/or romantic partnerships.

We live in a world that glorifies sexual and relational monogamy and vilifies promiscuity and nonmonogamy, no matter how consensual or safe. Yet many of us find this tiny little box of acceptable behavior stifling as fuck. Instead, we crave multiple sex partners, casual hookups, group sex experiences, polyamorous relationships, or other nontraditional relationship arrangements.

If this sounds like you, you are not a sex addict, and you’re not mentally disturbed in any way for wanting this. You are perfectly normal. If this sounds like your partner, there is nothing wrong with them wanting these things, nor does that automatically mean there is something wrong with you or your relationship. Your partner might be different from you, but they are perfectly normal.

According to a 2018 survey of over 4,000 Americans indicated (detailed in Dr. Justin Lehmiller’s amazing book Tell Me What You Want), the vast majority Americans have fantasized about group sex and open relationships, and more and more people in relationships are experimenting with some form of consensual nonmonogamy. About 3% of Americans currently in a relationship have some type of an open arrangement (more among gay men and bisexual folks of both genders), and about 20% of single folks report having had at least one open relationship in the past. And don’t even get me started on the long and “illustrious” history of nonconsensual nonmonogamy (AKA cheating).

There may be nothing wrong with craving multiple sexual and romantic partners, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t challenges to embracing those desires, and, even more so, acting on them. Internal guilt and shame, judgmental friends and families, sexually transmitted infections, crossing and poor setting of boundaries, unsatisfying sex, catching unwanted or unexpected feelings, difficulty finding partners to hook up or date, jealousies and insecurities… the list goes on.

My main skill as a coach and mentor is helping you stop feeling ashamed about your slutty or nonmonogamous desires, and start acting on them in a way that is healthy for you (both emotionally and physically), as well as ethical toward your sexual and romantic partners.

I’m so good at working with these kinds of challenges because I’ve dealt with them myself my entire life! As a very sexually precocious teenager and later highly sexually active woman who never felt at home with monogamy, I know what it’s like to get misunderstood, mistrusted, slut-shamed, and rejected by strangers, friends, family, partners, classmates, and colleagues alike. And I know what it takes to overcome all of those challenges, to build both a personally fulfilling and a professionally successful life that celebrates my voracious and unconventional sexual and relationship appetites.

I’ve also coached hundreds of couples and individuals in overcoming their own challenges related to multiple sexual and romantic partners. And I’ve studied and published peer-reviewed academic research on casual sex, promiscuity, and consensual nonmonogamy for over 10 years, first while doing my PhD in Developmental Psychology at Cornell University and then while teaching sexuality classes at New York University. You can read my academic articles here. So I’m very passionate about bringing a scientifically accurate and practically tested perspective to all of these issues.

Inclusivity is important to me in my practice. I work with all clients, regardless of age, sexual orientation, gender, race, and relationship status or configuration.

How It Works

I approach all my coaching / mentoring work from the perspective of what I call the Sexual Authenticity Model (SAM). The basic premise of SAM is that a truly satisfying and healthy sex and relationship life is about building congruence among your sexual and relationship Desires, Values, and Behaviors, taking into consideration your particular set of personal, interpersonal, social, and logistical advantages and disadvantages.

Because everyone’s desires, values, behaviors, advantages and disadvantages are different, there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to what we need to work on and how. So, I do something a little different for every first session.

In this individually customized deep-dive, we’ll identify what’s getting in the way of you having the sex & relationship life that you desire, and provide you with the knowledge and skills necessary to get you to where you want to be.

The process starts with a detailed questionnaire you’ll fill out before our initial session. This questionnaire offers you the opportunity to get really clear on how you’d like to spend our time together. A lot of my clients have told me they were surprised by how helpful just the questionnaire itself was.

I’ll take it from there! I’ll read over your answers, and will design a session to help address as many of your questions and goals as we can in a single session. I’ll start sharing my insight, advice, and exercises with you. I’ll also gently lead the session, so you won’t have to worry about awkwardly trying to figure out what to say next.

Within two days, you’ll get an organized report of everything we talked about, including specific exercises to try and a game-plan for the next few weeks.

In each subsequent session we will check-in on your progress since the previous session, and work on addressing another set of questions and goals to help you build your ideal sex and relationship life.

All sessions will be done over either phone or video chat (Skype, Facetime, Google Hangouts, etc).

  • Initial Assessment Session – Individual: 70 min, $499;
  • Initial Assessment Session – Couples: 100 min, $699;
  • Follow-up Coaching Session – Individual: 60 min, $349
  • Follow-up Coaching Session – Couples: 90 min, $499

Limited sliding scale slots available.

Fill out the form below to schedule your first session!

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Please note:

I’m NOT a SEX SURROGATE, which means I do not provide any kind of hands-on therapy or instruction.

Struggling with other sex-related issues?

There are many sex and relationships issues that people struggle with that I don’t deal with in my practice. If you need a sex therapist to work on issues like low or mismatched sex drive, difficulty reaching orgasm (alone or with a partner), reclaiming sexuality after sexual trauma, performance anxiety, and many other sexual issues, I have just the right person for you: Sex therapist Vanessa Marin. You can check out her coaching services, but you might also benefit from one of her absolutely amazing online courses!

Praise

  • NYU professor Zhana Vrangalova is New York City’s own ‘Master of Sex’.

  • I call Dr. Zhana the “archangel of sex positivity.” She’s an amazing sex educator because she has the ability to translate complex sex research in a way that’s fun and never judgmental, and in the process has made so many people–including myself–feel less shame about their sexy and slutty desires.

  • @DrZhana’s tweet stream is like falling into an actual stream. Made of brains. Instead of water

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