The "One-Size-Fits-All" Paradigm of Lifelong Monogamy
Is a Made Up Story
The "One-Size-Fits-All" Paradigm of Lifelong Monogamy
Is a Made Up Story
You Don't Have to Buy Into It Anymore.
You Don't Have to
Buy Into It Anymore.
The LoveSmarter™ Method identifies the ideal relationship structure for your personality and current circumstances...then guides you into the love and sex of your dreams without blowing up your life. Rooted in the best-available science and created by a developmental psychology professor at NYU who lives what she teaches.
The LoveSmarter™ Method identifies the ideal relationship structure for your personality and current circumstances...then guides you into the love and sex of your dreams without blowing up your life. Rooted in the best-available science and created by a developmental psychology professor at NYU who lives what she teaches.
"Dr. Zhana’s course was truly eye-opening and educational. It gave me a science-based framework to more authentically understand who I am, and helped me clarify what I want out of my relationships with others. All this with a whopping dose of modern sex ed for grown ups in a very supportive and safe community environment!"
Marhsall - Open Smarter Student
"Dr. Zhana’s course was truly eye-opening and educational. It gave me a science-based framework to more authentically understand who I am, and helped me clarify what I want out of my relationships with others. All this with a whopping dose of modern sex ed for grown ups in a very supportive and safe community environment!"
Marhsall - Open Smarter Student
You have far more relationship options than ever before.
Once upon a time, you were taught that the only way to happy relationships is lifelong committed monogamy...and that true love and integrity requires suppressing your attractions to other people and never acting on your desires.
Or, in the idealized version, being so committed to your partner that you don't even have those attractions and desires in the first place.
Many of you followed the rules (or tried to), and did your best to make it work with the limited skills you were taught. Despite your best efforts, all too often you ended up frustrated and disappointed — far from the passionate, thriving, joyful sex and love life we all desire.
Today, the relationships landscape is quite different:
You have more relationship options than ever before: hot monogamy, monogamish, open relationships, swinging, casual sex, dating around, don’t-ask-don’t-tell, hierarchical polyamory, nonhierarchical polyamory, kitchen table polyamory, solo poly, single-by-choice, celibate-by-choice, relationship anarchy...
The list goes on. And in many parts of the world, there’s growing social acceptance of all them.
Yet, many of us continue to stumble:
➡ About 50% of 1st U.S. marriages end in divorce;
➡ Infidelity rates are around 20-25% of all marriages, and over 50% of dating relationships;
➡ About 35-40% of partnered people are not happy in their relationships or satisfied with their sex lives;
➡ More than 50% want more sex than they’re currently having;
➡ Almost 10% report struggling with excessive porn use or self-perceived “sex addiction”.
Lost in the maze of options without clear guidance on choosing the right one...or the necessary skills to implement any option well, we often hurt ourselves and the people we care about.
Having too many options can be as overwhelming and paralyzing, as having too few options is stifling and restrictive.
Luckily, you don’t have to wander alone through the maze. It doesn’t even have to be a maze!
For decades, sex and relationship scientists have been studying the different components of healthy and thriving relationships. Pioneering therapists, counselors and coaches have been helping clients get there.
But all the pieces have remained disconnected: each researcher or practitioner focused on a tiny piece of the puzzle...all of them siloed in their own corners of the sexual and relationship universe:
Some attachment patterns here, some sexual techniques there, some communication strategies over there, some research into the vast array of human relationship styles somewhere else entirely..
It’s not that the knowledge hasn’t existed. It’s that too many smart people have been researching the trees, leaves, roots, and soil while missing how it all comes together to build the forest.
No one has had the necessary academic background AND extensive personal life experience AND deep personal motivation to weave together the components and synthesize all them into a single, coherent, step-by-step process anyone can use to align their desires, values, and life circumstances to design the sex and love life that's right for them.
Until now.
Hi! I am Dr. Zhana Vrangalova
I’m a professor of sex and relationships at New York University, a relationship consultant, a pleasure advocate, and a fulfiller of fantasies.
My life’s mission is to help people make smarter decisions about their sex and love lives, and rid the world of mediocre (or worse, toxic) relationships and unsatisfying sex.
For as long as I can remember, I was an adventurous, curious, fearless young woman who wanted to experience everything the world of pleasure had to offer. So I did. I've traveled to every corner of the sex and relational landscape and had SO much fun in all of them.
I've done EVERYTHING I wanted to do in my sex and love life, and know the deep existential fulfillment that comes from unapologetically living the life you want, rather than the one society, parents, friends, and teachers want you to live. I really want that for you.
I also made a lot of mistakes, especially early on in my journeys, hurting myself and other people in ways I now deeply regret. I've suffered the consequences of venturing blindly into the unmapped portions of the vast relationship landscape without the proper guidance, frameworks, or role models. I really don't want that for you.
That's why I created the LoveSmarter™ Method: So if you're ready to break free of the "one-size-fits-all" model of sex and relationships, you can do so safely and ethically, with maximum pleasure and minimum pain for everyone involved.
I have a Ph.D. in Developmental Psychology from Cornell University, 10 years of teaching some of the most popular classes on sexuality and relationships at NYU, and 15 years consulting individuals, couples, and larger relational units on stepping into their ideal sex and love lives.
So everything you learn from me doesn’t just “feel right,” or "sound plausible." It's rooted firmly in the best available, up-to-date science.
That’s why I’ve been called “the next Esther Perel” and “the Andrew Huberman of sex."
I’m a professor of sex and relationships at New York University, a relationship consultant, a pleasure advocate, and a fulfiller of fantasies.
My life’s mission is to help people make smarter decisions about their sex and love lives, and rid the world of mediocre (or worse, toxic) relationships and unsatisfying sex.
For as long as I can remember, I was an adventurous, curious, fearless young woman who wanted to experience everything the world of pleasure had to offer. So I did. I've traveled to every corner of the sex and relational landscape and had SO much fun in all of them.
I've done EVERYTHING I wanted to do in my sex and love life, and know the deep existential fulfillment that comes from unapologetically living the life you want, rather than the one society, parents, friends, and teachers want you to live. I really want that for you.
I also made a lot of mistakes, especially early on in my journeys, hurting myself and other people in ways I now deeply regret. I've suffered the consequences of venturing blindly into the unmapped portions of the vast relationship landscape without the proper guidance, frameworks, or role models. I really don't want that for you.
That's why I created the LoveSmarter™ Method: So if you're ready to break free of the "one-size-fits-all" model of sex and relationships, you can do so safely and ethically, with maximum pleasure and minimum pain for everyone involved.
I have a Ph.D. in Developmental Psychology from Cornell University, 10 years of teaching some of the most popular classes on sexuality and relationships at NYU, and 15 years consulting individuals, couples, and larger relational units on stepping into their ideal sex and love lives.
So everything you learn from me doesn’t just “feel right,” or "sound plausible." It's rooted firmly in the best available, up-to-date science.
That’s why I’ve been called “the next Esther Perel” and “the Andrew Huberman of sex."
featured in:
Introducing LoveSmarter™ University
There's tons of relationship guidance out there. Most of it fails due to one of three reasons:
1. It’s based on a “one-size-fits-all” model for relationship success. This is true of the more conventional, monogamy-only models that want to stick to traditional expectations and belief systems. And it's true of the newer, less conventional approaches that often tout some form of nonmonogamy as a "more evolved" relationship structure.
2. It's not rooted in science. The vast majority of the relationship advice out there is not based in validated theory and research. Some of it might feel true, or may even work for some people, but it's idiosyncratic and cannot be generalized.
3. It addresses only a tiny piece of the puzzle. There are scientifically-accurate and effective models out there. But they're scattered across dozens of frameworks and tools, each addressing a single isolated issue.
What’s been missing this whole time? A streamlined, scientifically-rooted framework that unifies ALL the best knowledge about fulfilling sex and relationships into a simple, step-by-step process that anyone can follow.
One that tailors itself to your unique personality, desires, and life circumstances and works equally well for conventional and less conventional relationships alike
The LoveSmarter™ Method* is that synthesis. LoveSmarter™ University is where you go to learn it.
LoveSmarter™ combines 20 years of my own academic research with the most empirically-sound scientific studies in my field. I've blended both with hard-won lessons from my own and my clients' direct experience into a series of steps you follow to shift into radically more fulfilling and pleasurable relationships.
The Method is built on three simple premises: 1. There is no “one-size-fits-all” when it comes to sex and love. 2. No relationship structure is inherently better or worse than any other. 3. When you make smart decisions about your sex and love life and develop the skills to live both of them well, you can massively improve every other aspect of your life.
There's tons of relationship guidance out there. Most of it fails due to one of three reasons:
1. It’s based on a “one-size-fits-all” model for relationship success. This is true of the more conventional, monogamy-only models that want to stick to traditional expectations and belief systems. And it's true of the newer, less conventional approaches that often tout some form of nonmonogamy as a "more evolved" relationship structure.
2. It's not rooted in science. The vast majority of the relationship advice out there is not based in validated theory and research. Some of it might feel true, or may even work for some people, but it's idiosyncratic and cannot be generalized.
3. It addresses only a tiny piece of the puzzle. There are scientifically-accurate and effective models out there. But they're scattered across dozens of frameworks and tools, each addressing a single isolated issue.
What’s been missing this whole time? A streamlined, scientifically-rooted framework that unifies ALL the best knowledge about fulfilling sex and relationships into a simple, step-by-step process that anyone can follow.
One that tailors itself to your unique personality, desires, and life circumstances and works equally well for conventional and less conventional relationships alike
The LoveSmarter™ Method* is that synthesis. LoveSmarter™ University is where you go to learn it.
LoveSmarter™ combines 20 years of my own academic research with the most empirically-sound scientific studies in my field. I've blended both with hard-won lessons from my own and my clients' direct experience into a series of steps you follow to shift into radically more fulfilling and pleasurable relationships.
The Method is built on three simple premises: 1. There is no “one-size-fits-all” when it comes to sex and love. 2. No relationship structure is inherently better or worse than any other. 3. When you make smart decisions about your sex and love life and develop the skills to live both of them well, you can massively improve every other aspect of your life.
THERE IS MAGIC TO THIS METHOD
Shelby Terrell
Dr. Zhana has been instrumental in my sexual and relationship revolution! The research, science and real life experiences she shares paired with the community and spaces she provides to have conversations about sex and relationships has truly changed my life.
Forouzan
It’s been a great experience to be more at peace with myself. The course helped me break down the stigma against living life the way I would like to and feeling like I’m normal, even according to science. I no longer think I’m a weird person.
Dj & Atia
The course has been incredibly illuminating. It’s been very good in bringing my wife of 30 years to have conversations we didn’t have the vocabulary or the conceptual tools to have for decades. We’ve been CNM relationship for quite a while but we were really winging it, not knowing what the hell we were doing. Now we know what we are doing.
Nika
It's difficult to "think outside box" bcz most people "don't discuss sex, it's too personal." But Zhana brings a bunch of studies and shows the variety of how other people think and feel. Also it's very fun to be on real-time events and hear other people's stories without even knowing them and exchange some tips from personal experience. It helped me normalize this conversation and accept sex as a valid part of my life.
Aaron
This was beyond anything I could have expected. While opening up a relationship might seem like a simple thing to some this course offers you insight on just how complex it is and just how to navaigte it best. It offers you insight on what might work best for you and also advice and guidance on how to over come the challanges. I think it could be best summed up as the sex ed course for adults you always wish you had.
JG
My husband and I grew up in very religious Mormon households, and he grew up feeling a lot of shame about his sexuality and desires for many sexual partners. Zhana gave him an actual visual, and reminded him that there are other people doing open relationships to varying degrees out there, and that it's not just him who isn't content having sex with just one person for the rest of his life.
David
My girlfriend and I took this class to help us figure out if and how a CNM relationship would work. Dr Z and this class has helped us discover what type of relationship fits us and our personalities.
The conversations have allowed us to discuss topics and areas of feelings we would not have discussed otherwise. Dr Z has helped us strengthen our relationship. I highly recommend this class.
Salmon
Talking about sex related topics is hard and tricky, but Dr. Zhana handled it so well. Hearing other people talking freely and intimately about their personal opinions, experiences and interests made me feel that I'm not alone! And I appreciate that.
Also, there there was some new points that really made me thinking about the topic.
Overall, a good community with an excellent educator
THERE IS MAGIC
TO THIS METHOD
Shelby Terrell
Dr. Zhana has been instrumental in my sexual and relationship revolution! The research, science and real life experiences she shares paired with the community and spaces she provides to have conversations about sex and relationships has truly changed my life.
Forouzan
It’s been a great experience to be more at peace with myself. The course helped me break down the stigma against living life the way I would like to and feeling like I’m normal, even according to science. I no longer think I’m a weird person.
Dj & Atia
The course has been incredibly illuminating. It’s been very good in bringing my wife of 30 years to have conversations we didn’t have the vocabulary or the conceptual tools to have for decades. We’ve been CNM relationship for quite a while but we were really winging it, not knowing what the hell we were doing. Now we know what we are doing.
Nika
It's difficult to "think outside box" bcz most people "don't discuss sex, it's too personal." But Zhana brings a bunch of studies and shows the variety of how other people think and feel. Also it's very fun to be on real-time events and hear other people's stories without even knowing them and exchange some tips from personal experience. It helped me normalize this conversation and accept sex as a valid part of my life.
Aaron
This was beyond anything I could have expected. While opening up a relationship might seem like a simple thing to some this course offers you insight on just how complex it is and just how to navaigte it best. It offers you insight on what might work best for you and also advice and guidance on how to over come the challanges. I think it could be best summed up as the sex ed course for adults you always wish you had.
JG
My husband and I grew up in very religious Mormon households, and he grew up feeling a lot of shame about his sexuality and desires for many sexual partners. Zhana gave him an actual visual, and reminded him that there are other people doing open relationships to varying degrees out there, and that it's not just him who isn't content having sex with just one person for the rest of his life.
David
My girlfriend and I took this class to help us figure out if and how a CNM relationship would work. Dr Z and this class has helped us discover what type of relationship fits us and our personalities.
The conversations have allowed us to discuss topics and areas of feelings we would not have discussed otherwise. Dr Z has helped us strengthen our relationship. I highly recommend this class.
Salmon
Talking about sex related topics is hard and tricky, but Dr. Zhana handled it so well. Hearing other people talking freely and intimately about their personal opinions, experiences and interests made me feel that I'm not alone! And I appreciate that.
Also, there there was some new points that really made me thinking about the topic.
Overall, a good community with an excellent educator
What's Included in the 1st Year LoveSmarter™ Curriculum:
Your Sex and Relationship Trajectory Is A journey Across The Vast Relationship Landscape
The 5 Layers of the LoveSmarter™ Method ensure your travels are safe and pleasurable for everyone involved.
The Map of the Relationship Landscape™
The relationship landscape is far larger than the one-size-fits-all paradigm would have us believe. This map organizes the seemingly unrelated sea of all the relationship options available today into a clear, logical, and streamlined set of options. By the end of Month 1, you'll have:
The LoveSmarter™ Compass
Some parts of the relationship landscape are a much better natural fit for our particular personality makeup than other parts. The LoveSmarter Compass™ uses cutting-edge scientific algorithms to pinpoint the precise relationship structure where you're most likely to thrive. By the end of Month 2, you'll have:
The Relationship Positioning System™ (RPS)
There are many possible paths for getting between different parts of the relationship map, some more treacherous than others. Like a GPS for navigating the relationship landscape, the LoveSmarter™ Relationship Positioning System finds the ideal path from where you are to where you want to go, and helps you determine the safest, quickest, and most pleasurable route for everyone involved. By the end of Month 2, you'll have:
The Relationship Real Talks™
Once you know where you want to go and what's the best way to get there, you need to make sure your fellow travelers are on board. The Relationship Real Talks equip you with the knowledge to have the necessary conversations to ensure everyone is on the same page, with respect and compassion for everyone involved...and without lighting your relationships on fire. By the end of Month 3, you'll have the scripts and skills to:
The Relationship Toolkit™
Nobody ever teaches us how to be good at sex or relationships. The Relationship Toolkit distills the essential set of psychological skills and practical strategies necessary to step into the sex and love life of your dreams, and make a healthy, ethical, and fulfilling life for yourself and your partners in whichever relationship structure you choose. Between Months 4 and 12 (including a Bonus month), you'll learn how to:
Self-Assessments for You & Your Partner/s
Discovering your own beliefs, desires, and needs is a lot easier when you know which questions to ask. The science-based personality self-assessments included with nearly every module of LSU ask all the right questions.
Many students in my previous courses said the self-assessments alone were "worth the price of admission." The LoveSmarter™ versions have been upgraded with even more science (including a hefty dose of statistics and number crunching).
Self- and Relationship-Enhancing Resources
LSU is not just theory. Yes, you're going to learn A TON of new concepts about how sex, love, and relationships work for you, your partners, and humans in general. AND you're also going to put your knowledge and insights into practice every week and month.
This program is packed with original practical exercises, techniques, conversation scripts, and worksheets that ensure you apply what you learn in your relationships...along with a thoughtfully-curated set of books, podcasts, and articles if you want to go even deeper.
What's Included in the 1st Year LoveSmarter™ Curriculum:
Your Sex and Relationship Trajectory Is A journey Across The Vast Relationship Landscape
The 5 Layers of the LoveSmarter™ Method ensure your travels are safe and pleasurable for everyone involved.
The Map of the
Relationship Landscape™
The relationship landscape is far larger than the one-size-fits-all paradigm would have us believe. This map organizes the seemingly unrelated sea of all the relationship options available today into a clear, logical, and streamlined set of options. By the end of Month 1, you'll have:
The LoveSmarter™ Compass
Some parts of the relationship landscape are a much better natural fit for our particular personality makeup than other parts. The LoveSmarter Compass™ uses cutting-edge scientific algorithms to pinpoint the precise relationship structure where you're most likely to thrive. By the end of Month 2, you'll have:
The Relationship Positioning System™ (RPS)
There are many possible paths for getting between different parts of the relationship map, some more treacherous than others. Like a GPS for navigating the relationship landscape, the LoveSmarter™ Relationship Positioning System finds the ideal path from where you are to where you want to go, and helps you determine the safest, quickest, and most pleasurable route for everyone involved. By the end of Month 2, you'll have:
The Relationship
Real Talks™
Once you know where you want to go and what's the best way to get there, you need to make sure your fellow travelers are on board. The Relationship Real Talks equip you with the knowledge to have the necessary conversations to ensure everyone is on the same page, with respect and compassion for everyone involved...and without lighting your relationships on fire. By the end of Month 3, you'll have the scripts and skills to:
The Relationship Toolkit™
Nobody ever teaches us how to be good at sex or relationships. The Relationship Toolkit distills the essential set of psychological skills and practical strategies necessary to step into the sex and love life of your dreams, and make a healthy, ethical, and fulfilling life for yourself and your partners in whichever relationship structure you choose. Between Months 4 and 12 (and a Bonus month), you'll learn how to:
Self-Assessments for You
& Your Partner/s
Discovering your own beliefs, desires, and needs is a lot easier when you know which questions to ask. The science-based personality self-assessments included with nearly every module of LSU ask all the right questions.
Many students in my previous courses said the self-assessments alone were "worth the price of admission." The LoveSmarter™ versions have been upgraded with even more science (including a hefty dose of statistics and number crunching).
Self- and Relationship-Enhancing Resources
LSU is not just theory. Yes, you're going to learn A TON of new concepts about how sex, love, and relationships work for you, your partners, and humans in general. AND you're also going to put your knowledge and insights into practice every week and month.
This program is packed with original practical exercises, techniques, conversation scripts, and worksheets that ensure you apply what you learn in your relationships...along with a thoughtfully-curated set of books, podcasts, and articles if you want to go even deeper.
You Won't Have to Take This Journey Alone
LoveSmarter™ University Combines a Year of Video Lessons
with Monthly Live Events and a Moderated Online Community
LoveSmarter™ University Combines a Year of Video Lessons with Monthly Live Events and a Moderated Online Community
So in addition to the LSU Curriculum, your yearly membership gives you access to:
Get Started Onboarding Workshop
+ Monthly Q&As (online)
A 90-min Onboarding Workshop after launch will walk you through everything LSU will offer over the course of the 12 months, and how to make the most of your membership. After that, come for monthly 60-min Q&As on anything and everything related to that month's content.
Monthly LoveSmarter™ Socials
with My Right-Hand Woman (Online)
Other than me, there is no one who currently “gets” the LoveSmarter™ framework more than Kassandra, one of my best students and now an irreplaceable team member. At her LS Socials, you get to hang out with your fellow students, share your relationship journey, challenges, and victories with them, and learn from theirs.
Monthly LoveSmarter™ Book Club
(Online + In-Person)
Like to read and debate on sex and relationships topics? That's what our monthly Book Clubs will be for! Hosted in a gorgeous Manhattan apartment in the East Village, NYC-members will be invited to join us in person; for everyone else we'll livestream and record each event.
Private moderated LoveSmarter™ community
(Online)
Starting with WhatsApp, and soon expanding into Circle.so, our moderated community spaces will let you continue the conversations started in the Q&As, Book Clubs, and LoveSmarter™ Socials. Share resources, get answers to your ongoing questions, and stay connected to your fellow members and the LoveSmarter™ team.
What Past Students and Clients Are Saying
Who Is LoveSmarter™ For?
The LoveSmarter™ Framework is helpful to anyone who wants to be more intentional about their relationship choices regardless of their current or ideal relationship structure.
That said, this is the first version of LoveSmarter™ University, and it won't be a great fit for everyone.
You're a great fit for the pioneering cohort if you are:
You may NOT be a great fit (yet), if you:
Ready to Enroll?
Do It together
(INDIVIDUAL EDITION)
What You'll Get:
➡ 13 LSU video courses (with slides, quizzes, exercises, resources);
➡ LSU Launch Event (online and in-person);
➡ Get Started Onboarding Workshop (online);
➡ 12 live online group Q&A sessions (plus recordings),
➡ 12 live in-person + online Book Club (plus recordings),
➡ 12 LS Socials (plus recordings),
➡Private Online Community
Regular price $995
open smarter student price
$495
If you have any questions
email us. We’d love to help!
dO IT TOGETHER
(cOUPLES EDITION)
Both of You Get:
➡ 13 LSU video courses (with slides, quizzes, exercises, resources);
➡ LSU Launch Event (online and in-person);
➡ Get Started Onboarding Workshop (online);
➡ 12 live online group Q&A sessions (plus recordings),
➡ 12 live in-person + online Book Club (plus recordings),
➡ 12 LS Socials (plus recordings),
➡Private Online Community
Regular price $1,395
OPEN SMARTER STUDENT PRICE
$895
If you have any questions
email us. We’d love to help!
Why Act now?
You know you need LSU and you want to take it, but you're not sure
whether now is the right time?
The first pioneering cohort of LSU will only be open to 105 members. We want to test how everything is working before we open it up to more people. But this is just the first year of LSU. This is going to grow into the equivalent of a comprehensive 4-year university covering all sex and relationships topics.
Why join now instead of later on? Because this first cohort will be forever special, locking in one-off perks that no one else will ever get. You'll be helping us refine the curriculum, giving us feedback on the delivery, and putting up with the rough edges. As a thank you, we will guarantee you:
What if the timing isn’t right for you right now AND you’d like to lock-in the pioneer’s price to join one of the future cohorts within the next year? Reach out to us and we'll figure something out.
"But It's a Bit Expensive!"
Online course creators often try to anchor the price they charge for their product to some random, completely made-up value of their product to make it sound like a great deal. I can’t stand this manipulative tactic, so I’m not going to do that.
But there are two very real, objective ways to evaluate the value of this particular product.
Like 3 NYU classes for 1/19th of the price
The amount of material you’ll get over the course of the 12 months, and the amount of face-to-face time you’ll get with me (plus my team) is the equivalent of three semester-long 3-credit courses I teach at NYU (a total of 9 credits).
One credit at NYU costs $2,100, bringing the value of LSU to almost $20,000 ($18,900 to be exact).
As the first pioneering cohort of LSU students, you paying a tiny fraction of that price. It's a bargain that you really don't want to miss.
Like high quality sex & relationship counseling
In a major city like New York, a sought-after relationship therapist is $300-400/hr. A therapist who specializes in the frontiers of sex and relationships? $450-500/hr. My hourly rate as a sex and relationships consultant? $600/hr.
Four $500 sessions per month for even just 12 months? That’s $24,000 of counseling.
Yes, here you're not getting 1-on-1 therapy. But for the price of 2-3 counseling sessions, you're getting a WHOLE conceptual framework and practical toolkit you'll apply to your relationships for the rest of your life. Plus, regular live events with a supportive community. It's a no-brainer.
What's the Value of Lifelong Transformation?
As my colleague and brilliant thinker Esther Perel says "the quality of our intimate relationships determines the quality of our lives. This isn't just elegant wording, there is a wealth of high-quality academic research to support it.
There are many factors that affect our lives in similarly profound ways that we have very little control over: the economy, global warming, laws, pandemics, wars.
But how we relate to ourselves and each other? The kind of partnerships we create and foster? The level of integrity we maintain in those partnerships? These we get to choose...and those choices have a disproportionate effect on every other aspect of our lives.
I think it’s impossible to put a financial value on living the sex and love life of your dreams (or getting as close to it as your life circumstances allow). But as a sex and relationship professor and the creator of this program, I’m obviously a little biased.
So you’ll just have to ask yourself:
If, one year after you enroll in LoveSmarter™, you’ve taken your first major steps towards the love and sex life of your dreams? Or maybe even started living it? And there’s no guilt or shame attached to the experience?
What is that worth to you?
You tell me.
Frequently Asked Questions
This program is for anyone who wants to be more intentional and smarter about their relationship choices, regardless of their current or ideal relationship structure (monogamous, nonmonogamous, single, or celibate).
This is for you if you’re not sure what’s the right relationship structure for you. If you know what the right structure is but don’t know how to get there. Or if you are in the right place, but you’re struggling to maintain your relationship in a healthy, ethical, and pleasurable way.
That said, the first pioneering cohort of LSU is for those who are highly motivated to be part of the first, rough-around-the-edges, unpolished version of this program, and help us make it better by providing feedback throughout the year. That’s why we’re opening it up to only 105 students at this time.
LSU is truly a one-of-a-kind program. What makes it unique are five key things:
1. The LS Method rejects one-size-fits-all models, and fully custom-tailors all solutions to the specific psychological make-up and life circumstances of each individual, couple, or larger relational unit.
2. It’s a comprehensive step-by-step process for designing the ideal sex and love life for you (or as close as your situation allows) AND acquiring all the key psychological tools and skills you need to step into that life and live there well.
3. It is firmly rooted in science, providing a synthesis of all of the up-to-date available theory, research, and practice.
4. It is developed and taught by someone who has the academic knowledge and credentials, consulting practice, AND extensive personal experience with all corners of the relational universe in a way very few people do.
5. It is truly inclusive and shame- and judgment-free of all sexual and relational needs, desires, and boundaries.
I’m an adjunct professor of sexuality at New York University, a developmental psychologist with a PhD from Cornell University, a relationships consultant with over a decade of experience helping people design their ideal love lives, and someone who’s fearlessly and unapologetically explored all the corners of the sexual and relational universe in a way very few people have dared to. You can learn more about me and my personal and professional background here.
The Open Smarter course, my first online course that is no longer available to purchase, was in many ways the early prototype for LoveSmarter™ University.
It focused primarily on people who were interested in shifting from monogamy to nonmonogamy. It was built on a framework that was not yet fully streamlined. And it was taught differently - as a self-paced online-only course without the additional live events and community support. We found this was not the most effective way for people to experience the kind of transformation the framework can create when there’s more guidance and community support.
LoveSmarter™ University takes everything my team and I learned from 3 years of teaching Open Smarter, and upgrades it to the next level.
The first 3 months of LSU are a key component of the LS Method and are recommended for everyone to consume in full.
Each of the following 9 months focuses on a specific skill necessary for successful relationships. Most of these skills are useful for all relationship structures, though some are much more essential in some structures than others.
Depending on the relationship structure you will be navigating and your level of proficiency at the skills critical for that structure, you might find you will need to dedicate more time and energy in some months and less in others. Even if you consume and apply half of the concepts in LSU, you will get way, way more than your money’s worth.
The first-year version of LSU will focus on quality content that leads to transformation rather than high-production value videos and materials that look good.
After the first cohort has gone through the whole first year of content and provided feedback on it, we will incorporate that feedback and invest in a more professionally-produced version of the videos and other materials. We are also going to continue adding new mini-courses over the next several years until LSU covers each and every topic related to thriving in relationships and experiencing amazing sex.
The first cohort of LSU students will get access to all of the materials released during this first year PLUS the high-production value courses released next year PLUS all of the new mini-courses we launch that following year. PLUS a special discount to the full membership for the next few years if they want to continue to stay connected via the live events and community.
All of the live events will take place on weekday afternoons Eastern Standard Time.
Some of the live online events will take place in the early afternoon, around 3pm ET (12pm PT/ 9pm CET/ 6am+1 AET). Others will take place in the late afternoon/early evening, around 6pm ET (3pm PT/ midnight CET/ 9am+1 AET). We are asking about your availability in the Onboarding Questionnaire and we’ll take into consideration the times that work best for most people.
All Book Clubs (in-person and online) will take place in the evening, 7-10pm ET (4-7pm PT / 1-4am CET / 10am-1pm+1 AET).
Look, you could certainly game the system and pay for one person and share the login info with your partner, we’d never know, right?
BUT when you get the Couples Package, both you and your partner get personal individual access to the LSU platform, which means:
- Dedicated live event invites, RSVPs and links (so you can join separately at your own leisure);
- Dedicated access to the community (we will only allow account holders to join our private community);
- Dedicated access to the course modules (so you can can each go through the materials at your own pace and watch the lessons separately);
- Dedicated access to the personality assessment and quizzes (so you each have your own results and keep them private to you if you wish so.)
You will have access to this version of the Curriculum until we replace it with the upgraded, high-production value of the materials some time in 2025. After that, you will have access to that version of the Program for another 12 months.
Great! Welcome :) Check your email for all the next steps info, complete the Onboarding Questionnaire so we can get to know you better, mark your calendar for the first few upcoming live events (April 15 for the Kickoff Launch, April 23 for the Onboarding Workshop, and April 30 for the first LS Member Social), and then sit back and relax until the program officially launches April 15. If you want to get ahead, start reading the first book in our Book Club series: The Case Against the Sexual Revolution by Louise Perry.
All of the pre-recorded content, quizzes, and materials for Month 1 will become available on April 15. After that, each month’s content will be dripped on the 1st of the month, starting June 1 for Month 2.
There are no refunds available for this version of LSU. You can read more about this on the section below here.
Why I'm Not Offering Refunds
I'm assuming that if you're considering buying LoveSmarter™ University, then you likely have been following me on Instagram or via my mailing list for some time. I don't run ads, so the chances that you've stumbled upon this product through some Facebook or Google advertisement is zero.
I've spent the last 20 years building the academic knowledge and private practice necessary to ensure the highest quality product, and the last 30 years living the life that gives me the personal experience. Scientific integrity is everything to me.
This program is my life's work. It's over 40 hours worth of instructional content. It's everything I wish existed when I started first started exploring the sex and relationships landscape over 30 years ago. There isn't a single person who has gone through even a fraction of the material I teach in LSU and said they didn't learn anything. I am 100% confident you are going to learn a huge amount via this course.
This course is not for people who are on the fence. It's not for "tire kickers" or folks who are just "poking around". It's not for people who "don't have time" or may have buyer's remorse.
It's for people who are familiar with my work, understand how important quality is to me, and want to put in the work necessary to see the results.
If that's not you, please don't buy the course. If you're just "curious" and want to watch a few lessons and quit, please don't buy the course. If you cannot afford it, please do not buy it. If you don't think you'll have time for it, please do not buy it.
If you're committed to the process and want to learn everything that I've learned over the last 30 years, there's zero chance you'll be disappointed.
Thank you for understanding.