Having an Epic Sex Life When You’re Worried about “Catching Feelings” – DrZhana

Zhana@DrZhana.com

send me an email

Having an Epic Sex Life When You’re Worried about “Catching Feelings”

Check out this video from Elite Daily for a behind-the-scenes peek into my sex coaching services, the way we do it together with my business partner Kenneth Play!

What constitutes an epic sex life? Most people probably imagine something of a crossover between a Hollywood romantic comedy and a mainstream porn shoot. But in reality, an epic sex life is having the kind of sex life that is fully authentic to you (that is, in line with your desires and your moral values), and which allows you to nourish the three basic psychological nutrients all humans need to survive and thrive emotionally and psychologically: feeling in control, feeling competent, and feeling connected. Research shows that having this kind of life (in and outside the bedroom), is a recipe for physical and psychological health, continued growth, and a positive feedback loop; living inauthentically and without feeding your basic psychological nutrients leads to a downward spiral of dissatisfaction, distress, and illness.

What exactly this entails is going to differ for every person. There’s no all-size-fits-all when it comes to sex. So what I do with my clients is guide them in figuring out what is the most authentic sex life they could possibly have, and then work with them on a strategy for how to get there, taking into consideration their particular strengths and constraints.

As you’ll see in the video, Shaun, our “client” that day, came to us with desire to finally have that one-night stand with a stranger he picks up from a bar, together with some concerns about the danger of catching feelings for said stranger after having sex with him.

Developing unwanted attachments for hookup partners is totally something that happens for a lot of people! In the sex-positive world, we can sometimes be so enthusiastic about rejecting cultural norms like “sex=love” that we overlook the reality that, for a lot of people, sex can lead to romantically feelings, wanted or unwanted.

Luckily, there are plenty of strategies to help you anticipate and manage your feelings. Some people have found success in limiting how often they have sex with someone, or in limiting other activities they engage in together (cuddling, spending the night, etc.).

Have you ever caught feelings (or avoided doing so)? I’d love to hear about your experiences in this survey.

Comments

comments

Related Posts

  • Rethinking monogamy today

    Check out this article from CNN (featuring yours truly) about non-monogamy and its rise in popularity! Non-monogamy is becoming a topic that people are increasingly open to exploring. As anyone who’s explored non-monogamy knows, these relationships are really different based on individuals’ wants and needs. Non-monogamous people quickly get a lot of experience thinking about what they want from a relationship and communicating that to their partners. As the article explains, whether or not you end up deciding to open up your relationship, exploring non-monogamy can help equip you with skills that are useful in any relationship. If you want

  • Check me out on PornHub…

    …but not in the way you think! As you may have heard, PornHub has launched its own Sexual Wellness Center. It’s really exciting to see a company with a huge reach like PornHub take an active role in the sex education sphere. And I’m excited to announce that I am contributing content to their center based on #legitsexscience! You can keep an eye on anything I publish with them over here. So far, I’ve published two pieces. The first one is perfect for anyone who’s ever been curious about attending a play party. Is it an all-out orgy? Are people

  • Study Finds Disturbing Conclusion About ‘Revenge Porn’ But Experts Are Dubious

    Gizmodo recently reached out to me to comment on a new study that claims that 99% of people approve of revenge porn. For anyone who doesn’t know, revenge porn is posting intimate photos of other people online without their consent, as retaliation against them for hurting you. This can obviously be very damaging for many people; the publishing of sexy or nude pictures has ruined many people’s careers. Yet, according to this study, virtually all of its 100 respondents (most of whom women), “expressed at least some approval (e.g. did not feel remorse) of revenge porn”.  As you can read in the Gizmodo article, several scholars, myself

Get on my list and get free, instant access to three key questions you should ask yourself before trying out an open relationship!

Free Access

FACEBOOK

Lit review finds that the trick to #OnlineDating isn't just saying "I'm funny;" it's showing it! By Justin Lehmiller ow.ly/YjGN30b6uKm ... See MoreSee Less

View on Facebook